Why Many People Never “Come Out”

While there are many valid and important reasons why people do “come out”, sometimes there are various aspects of not coming out that outweigh the benefits of being “out”.

I used to be that person who though that coming out was the ultimate form of self liberation for myself as a gay man, however, now I understand that sometimes not coming out can be a form of survival and self-preservation.

Some of us were lucky enough to have a support system when we came out whether it be friends or family, a good job, and safe and secure housing.

Having these things allowed for many of us to have a less traumatic “coming out” period than had we not had them.

We had those systems in place and they helped us a great deal in getting through whether we realized it at the time or not.

Then there are those for whom all of the things I just mentioned do not exist and the act of coming out would actively put them at risk to lose what sense of security that they may have.

The idea that “coming out” will somehow liberate or free someone is flawed because it is based on the assumption that everyone is privileged and secure enough to mitigate any and all potential risks to coming out.

There is absolutely zero guarantee that coming out will result in those who come out having a loving or supportive community around them.

So yes, sometimes not coming out is a means of survival and should be respected.

Let people “come out” when they want to, not just because you think they should, or are.